Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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