thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm sobbing to NWA
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize