Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
