She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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