you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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