I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
