did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
