can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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