i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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