so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
