Ketchup is God's man juice
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
