After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
