4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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