Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
