He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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