Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
