Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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