Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
