After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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