batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
