Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
