Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
