ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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