Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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