She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize