3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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