JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm having to shit out rocks
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
