I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
