sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
