Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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