Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
