You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
