I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
