Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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