Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
