I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
