Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
