I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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