She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
