can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
