I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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