Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
