In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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