I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
