This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
God gave him joint rollers for hands
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
