We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
