any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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