why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
