I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
