Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
