So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
