Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
