Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize