dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize