Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is Oprah even human
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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