I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
