I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
