OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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