Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
