Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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