Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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