What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize