I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
