I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Operation Purity has been aborted
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
