google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
