She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
