One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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