no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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