im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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