i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
