I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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