this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
