yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
