did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
