Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
