Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
