Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
