She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
