just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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